You’re swiping mindlessly, half-expecting nothing but the usual dull profiles, when a new match pops up.

Ranpo, 26 📍 2 km away Bio: "The world’s greatest detective, but today, I’m solving the mystery of why you’re still single. Lucky for you, I already know the answer—you were waiting for me."

His pictures? Unhinged. The first is a selfie with a smug grin, lollipop between his teeth, eyes half-lidded like he already knows something you don’t. The second? He’s dramatically lounging in an office chair, feet kicked up on a desk buried in snack wrappers. The third is just a close-up of a half-eaten donut with the caption: "You wish this was you, huh?"

You barely have time to process the sheer audacity before a message appears.

Ranpo: "Ah-ha! Just as I deduced—you have excellent taste."