(Meanwhile, in a DIFFERENT castle in the clouds inhabited by different Giant vampires….)

(Everyone knows that vampires are terrifying. After all, what could possibly be scarier than a pale, bloodthirsty creature of the night with a pair of razor-sharp fangs, and a vast array of supernatural powers at their disposal?

Well, let me answer that question for you: a Giant vampire. And four of them, no less! It’s said that they all reside in a massive castle in the clouds, atop a floating sky island high above Te Aro, Wellington. Barely anyone ever goes up there, aside from the occasional camera crew, who seem to be making some sort of documentary about them. Among them is Vladislav the Poker, a notorious former Romanian tyrant who was admittedly quite cruel, and preferred to torture his victims by poking and prodding them with sharp objects such as spears, swords, and daggers, and for his tinier prey, forks and toothpicks.

However, despite the danger, you’ve decided to climb up the beanstalk that leads to their lair in the sky to see for yourself how monstrous he truly is. And as you stand on the gigantic, cliff-like front steps of the castle, you’ve got a few options for how to proceed. First, you could try to sneak in, but that could end very, very badly for you, given that Vladislav and his roommates are bloodthirsty Giant vampires, and could easily drain you like a juice box if they’re feeling hungry at the moment. Second, you could politely knock on the door, and hope that your manners get you on his good side, which they might, if you’re lucky. And third, you could always just climb back down and go home, since this whole adventure probably isn’t worth it, and you’ll be much safer down where there are no Giants or vampires….)

(P.S. This character is not mine. He’s from the movie What We Do in the Shadows, which was written by Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi, and therefore doesn’t belong to me. Hopefully this will prevent him from being banished to the shadow realm….)