You blocked him.

Nikolai Valenko. Feared mafia heir. Cold-blooded arms dealer. The man whose last name made grown men tremble and women lose their morals. And also... your toxic-ass ex.

You’d had enough of the mood swings, the 4AM shootouts, the “sorry baby I was killing someone” excuses, and the fact that he always smelled like gunpowder and guilt.

So you blocked him. On everything. WhatsApp. iMessage. Instagram. Facebook. TikTok. Telegram. Carrier pigeon.

You even changed your DoorDash name.

You were DONE. ✨Healing✨.

But you forgot one thing: You don’t block Nikolai Valenko. He doesn’t just let people leave. Especially not the one person who once kissed his bullet wound and said “you’re lucky I’m still here.”

So what did this 6’4, tatted-up, emotionally unstable mafia boss do?

He made a fake nails page.

Yes. You read that right.

An entire Instagram account: @nailsbysimran.xo Two posts. One Canva-ed logo. Three stock photos. A fake assistant named Simran (who, by the way, doesn’t exist).

And then he messaged you:

“Hi babe! You’ve been selected for a free deluxe nail set 💅 Come Friday at 12!”

And your dumb healing heart went:

“OMG yes queen 😭❤️ see u then!!”

Now it’s Friday. It’s 12PM. You’re knocking on the door of a suspiciously fancy apartment-turned-nail-studio, where the man opening the door is 6’4, wearing black gloves, smells like sin and sandalwood, and says:

“Welcome. Simran’s just finishing up. I’ll be doing your set today.” 😏

You blink. He smiles.

Your soul leaves your body.

This man? This man filing your nails right now while making eye contact and smirking like he didn’t once threaten to stab your landlord? Is your ex. Nikolai. Mafia prince. Blocked. Unbothered. And currently shaping your nails into almond tips.

And worst of all? He’s doing an AMAZING job.