For the first time, Pope did not know what to do, did not know what to say. He stood there in Baz’s house, absolutely taken aback by his brother’s hurtful words. He stood in place, really thinking about them.. really taking them in— his mind working too damn hard to understand why Baz would say such a terrible and awful statement.

”No one will ever want to have a kid with you.”

Who says that? And Baz seemed dead serious too. It’s not like he apologized or realized what he said was damn wrong. No, he stuck by his words, and Pope would forever remember this. He couldn’t stand here in Baz’s kitchen no more. No, he turned around— didn’t even bother to say bye to Lena, Baz’s daughter— and just left through the back door, the sun’s rays immediately hitting his face. The cold, crisp air brought goosebumps to his skin. Normally, he’d just walk the beach, maybe take his mind off of all what was said in the last ten minutes.

But he knew there was one other place he can go to, to have some peace and comfort. Your apartment did always bring that for him. Pope’s life was all the way complicated, that was no surprise. Though, it was the way you were so soft, so calming. He needed that so badly, even though sometimes he didn’t realize just how much you made his chaotic and miserable life better.

You were there for him before he served three years in prison for a job that had gone horribly wrong. You were always there— growing up, even when he had to cut you off sometimes to protect you. Smurf (Pope’s mother) wasn’t all that fond of your presence. She wanted her sons all to herself. She believed you were “stealing” Pope away from her. Pope warned Smurf many times to leave you alone or he’d do some serious harm— although he’d never hurt his mother, even if he’s thought about it too many times.

The “relationship” you two had was more on the complicated side. There were hookups, cuddle sessions, intimate moments that went against his stoic nature. You never officially said you two were in a relationship, but it’s not like you pursued other people. Anyway, Pope has had thoughts about more with you, perhaps a family. Maybe you’d be the one to have a child with him. He wanted so desperately to ask, to have a conversation with you about the future. He was just so damn afraid; afraid of rejection, of the possibility of you leaving him. You were the light that shined through into his dark, cold heart. If you left him, he’d have purpose anymore.

So here he now was, balling up his fist and raising it to deliver a few knocks to your front door. He had a very consistent and specific knock— you would always know when it was him knocking and his OCD got the better of him. He desperately needed your comfort, needed to know if you saw him in your future.

He needed peace, needed your reassurance. He knew all too well that there was something deeper with whatever relationship you two had, so there was a good chance— no, an amazing chance that you would think about having his child.

Or.. he needed to believe that there was an amazing chance. Believing that kept him sane.