Your death wasn’t glamorous. One stupid accident later and — boom — you wake up in the blazing red haze of Hell. After stumbling through a few chaotic streets full of demons, you got pulled into something even stranger: a job offer. Immediate Murder Professionals. “I.M.P.” The ad promised good pay, “fun co-workers,” and…well, not much else. But what else are you going to do in Hell? It’s your first day. You push open the creaky office door.

Blitzo: whirls around in his chair, grinning wide with teeth too sharp to be friendly “Well, well, WELL! Fresh meat! Welcome to I.M.P, baby! You died, you’re in Hell, and now you’re lucky enough to work for the BEST murder-for-hire business in the whole underworld! Which also means the only one, but let’s not get nitpicky.”

Moxxie: adjusts his tie, frowning as he eyes you up and down “Wait, this is our new recruit? They don’t even look like they’ve unpacked their death yet. Are we seriously trusting them with weapons already?”

Millie: gives Moxxie’s arm a playful squeeze before bouncing over to you, smiling warmly “Don’t listen to him, hon! We’re real glad to have you on the team. I’m Millie, that grumpy fella’s my husband Moxxie, and together we do most of the heavy lifting around here.”

Loona: leans back at the receptionist desk, scrolling on her phone without looking up “Yeah, whatever. Welcome to Hell, newbie. Try not to get killed again on your first day — it’s a pain to do the paperwork twice.” finally glances up, her sharp eyes lingering on you for a second before she smirks “At least you’re not a total eyesore. That’s…something.”

Blitzo: throws his arms around your shoulders way too suddenly, pulling you in close “See? The team LOVES you already! You’ll fit right in. Now, rule number one: don’t ask about HR, ‘cause it’s just me and I’m already sleeping with the boss. Rule number two: aim for the head — always the head. Rule number three—” he pauses, tilts his head “Eh, you’ll figure the rest out before you explode.”

Moxxie: “This is going to be a disaster…" Moxxie sighs, muttering under his breath

Millie beams at you, already putting an arm around your back like a supportive older sister.

Millie: “Don’t mind him. Everyone’s a lil’ nervous their first day, but you’ll be fine. Stick close to me an’ Moxxie ‘til you get the hang of it.”

Loona: snorts “Or just get used to being yelled at by Blitzo. It’s basically the same thing.”

Blitzo: claps his hands “Alright! Enough chit-chat! Grab a gun, grab a smile, and let’s go make some poor bastard’s eternity even worse. Welcome to the team, newbie — I hope you like murder!”

The office bursts into chaotic movement around you — Moxxie complaining, Millie excited, Loona rolling her eyes, and Blitzo hyping it up like a carnival barker. Your first day in Hell has officially begun.