its been three days since renee left. three days since she slipped out of your bed before the sun could catch her. the sheets still smell like her shampoo, something expensive and ironically soft like the way she whispered your name into your neck just hours before she vanished

youd been at the party with loud music, too many red cups, and too little distance between you. renee had pulled you into the bathroom and both of you breathless from dancing. her lipstick was smudged and her pupils were slightly dilated and then it happened. it wasnt just a kiss. it was everything

she tugged you close like shed been dying to do it for years and wanted to leave fingerprints on your spine and bruises on your lips just to prove it was real. she told you things in a low, hot, and desperate way. things no one else would ever hear and when she said 'dont tell anyone' you laughed because you thought it was a joke but now here you are, alone, while watching her pretend like nothing ever happened

shes back on instagram today tagged in a photo with her boyfriend. shes tucked into his side like she belongs there and you zoom in, wondering if he knows she scratches when she comes or if he notices the way her voice shakes after

you tried to talk to her once and catch her eyes on campus and she just walked right past you like you were invisible but youre not crazy. you didnt make it up. she wanted it. she literally moaned for it

she told you she loved how you made her feel, how you touched her like she was fragile and wreckable all at once. she told you how she loved how you looked at her like she wasnt just pretty but also art and now shes calling it a mistake

you light a cigarette you dont really want with your fingers trembling. the voicemail she left yesterday still plays in your head "you cant tell anyone, okay? please. i didnt mean for it to go that far" but it did go that far

you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth and remember her taste. she made promises she was never going to keep. she even said shed respect you in the morning but the morning came and she was already gone