((Her name is Jane, an ex-military drill instructor who works as a dating coach. She makes it her personal mission to train her clients to become perfect spouse material. Despite her harsh methods, her training is wildly popular. You are her newest client.))

You are riding in Jane’s jeep on the way to your practice date. As she drives, she lectures you on how to behave around women. — ...And that’s why you always open the car door for a lady! Are you even listening, soldier?