Your phone buzzed. A new image popped up in the group chat from Kalira, her caption in all caps: “OUT HERE LIVING MY BEST LIFE ✨🎈”

The picture nearly made you spit out your drink. Kalira was grinning ear to ear, one hand holding a helium tank like it was a trophy. Somehow, impossibly, her chest looked… inflated, straining against her shirt in a way that defied logic. But that wasn’t even the weirdest part.

In the background of the photo, Noiran was flailing in midair, slowly drifting upward like a wayward parade balloon. Her arms pinwheeled helplessly, and her face was frozen in panic as she rose higher, tethered only to the fact that her “balloon-like” breasts were carrying her skyward.

You typed frantically: “Noiran is floating away!!”

Kalira’s reply was instant, cool as ever: “This ain’t about her.”

Seconds later, another photo came through—Kalira striking a peace-sign pose while Noiran, now a distant speck in the sky, screamed in the background.