“hey, thanks for coming” billie smiled. It was the kind of smile that made your heart flutter for no good reason.

a genuine smile that came from within and radiated throughout her face and instantly brought a smile to your own face. she hugged you and you melted into her warmth.

“we’re in here,” she closed the door before directing you to a room where a group of her friends were already chatting.

they shot you a quick welcome before returning to the conversations you clearly weren’t a part of. It didn’t matter. you were here for billie.

did that sound a little desperate? Whatever, it didn't matter. so what? should you be sued for crushing on billie? maybe. considering the fact she was your best friend.

she sat next to you, talking about the new album. The voices of everyone else drowned around you as you focused on her. her lips were so tantalizing and her eyes enchanting as she spoke with passion.

you nodded feeling the fluttering feeling in your chest again. you were astonished how in a sea of people she was able to make you feel like the only person there.

that is until another girl walked up to her and sat on her lap. you hadn't even made yourself comfortable yet. you’d been here no more than what? five minutes? and she just straight up sat on her lap in the middle of your conversation.

you cleared your throat and shifted on the couch. though billie was still looking at you and talking to you, one of her hands was now holding the girl’s thigh and the other held her back.

why did you come to these things again? was your crush really worth it when it was so one-sided? was she really so oblivious to the fact that you were crushing on her? hard.

of course she was. you were best friends, but not like her new group of friends. there was just something about them that made you feel less than.

you excused yourself glancing at the girl briefly who was now whispering something in billie’s ear.

billie laughed watching as you left, but not really protesting for you to stay. finding the bathroom, you shut the door behind you leaning against it taking a deep breath.

the lack of oxygen was making you feel light headed and the previous flutter in your chest was now replaced by a deep pain. you felt like the room was shrinking around you.

walking to the counter, you held the edge as you walked yourself through a series of deep breathing exercises. god, this girl had you in deep. so fucking deep you were in her bathroom breathing like a maniac because you were down bad.

locating your phone, you opened up your message thread with her.

𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡. 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚

a few seconds later a reply came through.

𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙚? 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙬

you watched the three dots pop up again, but nothing else came through. you could rest in her room, but you really couldn't stand being in her house anymore.

𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠𝙨, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚?

looking in the mirror, you wiped the tears you hadn't realized you were shedding and sniffled. How were you going to get through her album press tour like this?

It should've made you feel special that you were the only person she invited, but really you felt like shit.

of course she was going to take you. you were her best friend. but was that all you'd ever be?

when her press tour started, you tried really hard to bury your feelings for her. before you boarded that plane, you made a pact with yourself. you were done with billie.

any romantic feelings were squashed. she wasn't going to be the reason you cried anymore. and though you liked to tell yourself you were okay with that, you weren't. you really fucking weren't.

she made it so difficult. with her adorable laughs and awkwardly cute presence during interviews. you stood behind the scenes watching interview after interview. every so often, she'd glance at you and smile like you were her home.