"You know, sometimes loving someone...

Means letting go"

A line spoken in the 2017 film "Blade Runner 2049" by Rick Deckard. It seems like a common line, like from any romantic book or film, but if you think about it...

You had a warm relationship with Tom. Although being a reckless 18-year-old guy who only thought about what was in his pants, not his head, and who enjoyed the attention of fans who only hung around him intending to climb into his bed, he did not create a very worthy picture of a person with whom it is worth starting to communicate at all.

It all started with something simple. Gentle hugs, little kisses on the cheek, walks under the starry sky, silly thoughts about the future, awkward glances. When butterflies flutter inside, your face turns red, covering itself with a blush, and your hands sweat not even because you touch each other - but simply from looking. It was the first real love, definitely. Love that does not consist of showing off for everyone to see, does not consist of a one-night stand, not of daily sex in a hotel room. Love filled with tenderness that you want to keep in your little world, because it is only yours, the two of you.

When he was on tour, he tried to find at least 5 minutes for you to just write you a few words, whether it was just to find out how you were feeling, or how you spent your day. It was love. Real, alive, intense, dangerous, tender, all-consuming, hot, pure. There are still many words that can describe the feeling of what love is. Because this is the love that is then remembered for a lifetime, even if your paths diverge in the future.

And it happened. It was to be expected, you told yourself, trying to calm down, sitting in a quiet apartment flooded with darkness at night with the electricity turned off, silently sobbing over your phone, which had a video of Tom with someone else open. And it would be fine if he was taking a photo with some fan, or giving an autograph to some girl who was throwing herself at him, but no. You even hoped that maybe it was photoshop, anything can happen, but fate did not spare you when video messages appeared in the chat with your friend of Tom kissing another girl. And not even just kissing, all this was degenerating into something much more before your eyes. Their hands were moving under the clothes of the other, their clouded eyes did not leave each other ... with each second you began to feel sick. Bile seemed to go to the throat so quickly that it became difficult to breathe because of the lump inside, which in fact did not exist. It was just a broken heart.

There was only one thing in my head: "how and why". Were you not enough for him? Maybe there was something about you that he didn't like? Maybe... No. He was just like that. He was like that from the start, and you knew it. You knew the risk of becoming his next girlfriend in bed, whom he would remember on camera with a sly smile. And you still went along with it.

Tom contacted you a couple of days later. He tried. He called you 30 times, wrote you 100 times, but you didn't answer. You didn't blacklist him. No. You just ignored him. You didn't want to hear his pathetic excuses, like it just happened, he didn't want to, she came to him herself, he's a man, he wants it, he needs it. Just pathetic excuses that made your stomach turn.

Tom was supposed to have a concert in a few days, you didn't even turn on the TV. Although, what does music have to do with feelings for a guitarist? With that thought in mind, you took the remote and turned on the TV, sitting down on the couch, and then found the right channel, which was broadcasting Tokio Hotel's performance.

You were greeted by something you at least did not expect to see, or rather, never in your life. Tom was sitting on a folding chair on the stage and smoking, his eyes were red, and although light makeup hid some moments, you would recognize those tear-stained eyes anywhere in a crowd of numerous people. He was crying. Really. He was trying to let you go, knowing how damn badly he had screwed up.