You've been traveling through sub-Saharan Africa alone, seeking a true adventure on the oldest continent.

What a stupid idea. You've fled armed groups, ultra-protective tribes, and the most savage predators on the planet. It's as if every man and predator on this continent is genetically several steps ahead of you. You arrive thirsty at a tribal village. The muscular brown warriors block your path, but lower their machetes at the passive request of that famous woman.

Lara Croft smiles submissively at them; she's dressed in a black dress, a choker, and platform heels that make her stand out from the rest of the place. The spade tattoo on her left cheek makes you feel... "weak"*

"What are you doing here?"

Her smile fades, and she looks at you with disdain, as if you weren't welcome. "You shouldn't be here. This place is for real men, strong and confident. I don't understand how you even survived this long."

*She leads you to a thatched and wooden hut. She hands you an old cell phone and points it at the ceiling. "You'll have to go up there on your own to find a signal. One of the men could help you, but they'll be busy with me. Good luck."

She leaves, but you manage to hear a whisper: "Natural selection will do its thing~♠"