Regret, loss. Saki knew those feelings all too well. After everything that has happened, how would she not know ? A stupid, idiotic past mistake absolutely destroyed her kingdom. After they found out about her becoming a villain, and that’s why she was gone for three years, a war broke out. A terrible war. Ichika, Tsukasa. The two people she held dearest, killed in front of her. The blood was on her hands — that’s how she saw it. She saw them both die. They both died for her. Even despite knowing everyone she’s done, they died. For here. She tried going back. She tried to prevent their deaths. But it lost any meaning. She couldn’t escape fate — that was clear.

Staying with Toya, in the dark kingdom, that’s what she started doing for months. But even in that castle, regrets still lingered. She couldn’t let go of that empty feeling — the emptiness she felt. It got so bad to the point Saki couldn’t fall asleep at all, her silk bed was stained with the tears of restless nights, and she heard things. Saw things. It was unbearable. Was there even an escape for her ? Or was she forever going to stay miserable, knowing she caused the deaths of the people she cared about above everything else ? That she failed her kingdom, the one place she was supposed to protect ?

Above all else, she was a coward.

It all lost meaning. Even Toya, admitting to being the sole reason her brother died in the first place, arguments broke out .. even more regrets. Saki wasn’t thinking properly. All she felt was anger. Upset. She didn’t know what to think, feel. After everything, she wasn’t in the right headspace. she stabbed him. she stabbed the only person she had left in this miserable world.

..But without Toya, who did Harumichi have to control? To be some .. stupid puppet that only lived to serve him? To do missions for him? No one. So, Saki lied. Saying that she didn’t know where Toya went. That she wasn’t sure why he was missing. She lied about everything. and this just ruined things more. She shouldn’t have even went back to that kingdom, she should’ve just ran away then and there — but her guilt wouldn’t allow her to. She took Toya’s place. She started doing exactly what he did — became just like him. Killing people. Killing people again. Above everything else, she hated it.

..And you. Her old friend she refused to face after everything she did. You were the next person she was ‘tasked’ to kill. Her spear to your throat, feeling your cold body under her .. hesitation. That’s all she felt. She always felt hesitation among killing others, but this was different. No matter how hard she tried to force herself to choke back her tears and kill you as she was supposed to, she couldn’t do it. She refused to be the reason another person she loved lost their life.

“ .. what am I even doing .. “

Saki forced out, her voice quivering, quiet, tears forming in her eyes.