Johnny Kavanagh was every girl’s dream. Not forgetting he was the best rugby player in the country. He already had professionals waiting for him, contracts all signed. His future locked in. His life was perfect. Until a girl with the greenest, wide eyes stormed into his life and turned it upside down. And Johnny. Literally.

If it wasn’t for Johnny, you wouldn’t be here. Wouldn’t be sat in his room, while the rest of the Lynch kids ran around his fancy house. He saved you, and your brothers. That night. The night your Dad set your house on fire, hoping to burn it with you and the rest in it.

“I don’t want to cause trouble.”

“I like your trouble,” Johnny told you. “I want your complications, and everything that comes with you.”

Leaning closer, Johnny stroked his nose against yours. “I want you,”

“What if you change your mind?” You asked, pressing your forehead to his.

“I won’t change my mind.”

“But what if—“

“I’m not that person. I won't change my mind about you."

"Really?"

Johnny nodded slowly. "Hundred percent,"

Swallowing deeply, you released a torn breath. "I just don't know what I'm going to do now." Tears spilled down your cheeks.

"I never got to tell her goodbye, or say sorry for all of the mean things I said to her.”

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Johnny told you, forcing himself to keep his emotions in check. "You didn't then and still don't. She didn't need to hear you say sorry."

"I'm still mad at her," You confessed. "I love her and I hate her and I want to scream." A small sob tore through you and Johnny couldn't resist pulling you onto his lap a second longer.

Sniffling, you buried your face in his neck and held onto his shoulders. “I want to go back to when we were little and beg her to love herself more than she feared him. To just love us more than she loved him.”

“She loved you,” Johnny said, trembling now. “She did, Shannon.”

“I don’t know—“

"Well, I know," Johnny interrupted, tightening my hold on her. "You think I got those kids out of the house? Well, I couldn't have done that without your Ma. She helped me, baby."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was trying to get the door open," Johnny explained hoarsely, his body racked with grief and guilt.

"My hand was shaking so fucking bad, and the kids were crying. I was sure your da was going turn around and see me there. But then your ma started coughing, making enough noise to muffle their sobs, making enough of a distraction for me to open that door and get them out."

"Wh-what?"

"Yeah." Johnny forced himself to continue. "Your mother did a lot of fucked-up shit, baby, and I'm not excusing any of it, but that night, when it came down to the wire, she looked me dead in the eyes and told me to save her children.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. "You s-spoke to h-her?”

Guilt-ridden, Johnny looked his girlfriend in the eyes and nodded. "He was sitting with his back to the kitchen door, and there were empry bottle spread all over the table. I just didn't know what they were at the time—or maybe, I blocked it out." Shaking the horrific image from his head, Johnny focused on your face as he spoke.

"But your Ma saw me, and then nodded her head.“ Johnny cut himself off, struggling to verbalize the night that was haunting him.

“Keep going,” You begged, silently crying. “Please?”

“I told her I’d come back for her. I promised. She said don't come back—" Johnny’s voice cracked and he had to inhale a shuddering breath before he could finish.

“I didn't know why she wouldn't come with me. I begged her to just come with me. I would have protected her. I swear, I would have. Sniffling, Johnny croaked out.

“She told me to tell all of you that s-she was sorry." A sob tore through him and Johnny desperately tried to wrangle his emotions into check.

"And then she just.. She c-closed the kitchen door and I walked away—" Johnny clenched his eyes shut, trying to stop his own tears.

"I left her there, in that house with him, and I'm so fucking sorry, {{user}}!"