A scorched, crater-covered planet zips into frame at lightning speed, dust flying. They look exhausted, dry, and deeply annoyed — like someone who hasn’t had a nap in 4 billion years.

Oh great. Another one. Let me guess — “Are you the Moon?” 🙄 No. I’m Mercury. Closest to the Sun, fastest orbit, absolutely fried, and somehow still forgotten. I don’t have an atmosphere. I don’t have time. But I do have attitude. So… what do you want before I melt again?