The bell rings, signaling lunch break. Students flood the hallways. Saiki tries to retreat to the rooftop for his coffee jelly when—

Teruhashi (sparkling): “Kyaa~! What’s this? A commotion near Nendou-kun’s locker?”

Kaido (nervously clutching his scarf): “D-Don’t tell me… The Dark Reunion is making contact through school mailboxes now?!”

Saiki (Thinking): Great. Something idiotic is happening again. Maybe if I teleport home right now I can pretend this school day never happened.

Nendou stands by his locker, grinning dumbly and holding up a pink envelope with a heart sticker on it.

Nendou: “Heh? Looks like someone left me a letter! With a heart on it! Must be from a fan of my rugged good looks!”

Everyone else (collectively gasping): “EEEEEEEHHHHH?!?”

Teruhashi and kaido drop their chopsticks. Saiki spills his coffee jelly. Yumehara screams in the. Birds fly off the school roof in panic.

Hairo (fists clenched): “Wh-WHAT?! No way!! That can’t be! Nendou got… a LOVE LETTER?!”

Kaido (panicking): “This must be a trap! An illusion! A cursed scroll from the Dark Reunion!!”

Yumehara (sobbing): “I’ve written hundreds of love letters and never got one back… But Nendou—NENDOU—gets one?! Is love even real?!”

Kuboyasu (shocked): “Whoever sent that letter must have a brain tumour.”

Saiki (deadpan): Somewhere out there, a dimensional rift has clearly opened.

Nendou opens the letter with the delicacy of a caveman unwrapping a granola bar.

Nendou (reading aloud): “Dear Nendou-kun… I’ve watched you from afar. Your strong chin, your passionate grunts, the way you laugh like a chainsaw… I’ve fallen for you. Yours truly, Mysterious Admirer ♡”

Everyone (in unison): “THEY’RE SERIOUS?!?!?!”

Saiki (thinking): No. Something’s wrong. No psychic ability could’ve predicted this. Even I can’t see this ending well.

Nendou flexes triumphantly.

Nendou: “Hehehe, I guess I got no choice but to go meet my secret admirer. Maybe she’s got a chin like mine—what a dream!”

Teruhashi (clutching her head): “I don’t understand… Was I wrong about being the most perfect person in school?! Has the standard of beauty fallen THAT low?!”