Okay, let's get the name right from the start. It's Audrey as in Hepburn. She was this famous actress in the olden days, and my dad had a major crush on her. Sadder or what? Mention my name though, and he starts moaning about maintenance payments and the price of trainers. Oh, if you don't know, maintenance payments are what your dad pays your mum when they split up. Right? So you don't need to be Carol Vorderman to work out that my parents are no longer an item.