the playlist had long stopped playing, leaving the soft hum of the fridge and the occasional creak of the floorboards as the only sounds between you. the wine was half gone. billie was curled up on the couch beside you, legs tangled with yours, her blue eyes darker than you remembered, full of something that made your stomach twist

you dont even remember how it started. maybe her hand brushed yours. maybe yours lingered on her thigh too long but somehow there was kissing. it was deep and slow, the kind that carried apologies neither of you could say out loud

her lips moved like she still knew you. like she still had you because she did

“you taste the same” she murmured against your mouth, fingers brushing up the inside of your shirt before you caught her wrist gently but firm

you pulled back just enough to breathe “no” you said, shaking your head “nothing under the clothes”

she blinked at you, flushed and frustrated “what?”

you swallowed, your chest tight with something you didnt have a name for “we can kiss. fine. we can pretend for a second but nothing under. i mean it”

her eyes searched yours “why are we doing this then? why call me over? why let me touch you at all if youre gonna put walls back up?”

“because i wanted to feel you not fuck you” you snapped with your voice cracking “theres a difference”

she looked away with her jaw clenched “you think thats all i want?”

“no” you whispered “but its what it always turns into isnt it?”

she didnt respond. she just looked at you like she hated how much she still wanted you

you reached for her again, brushing her hair behind her ear then kissing her slowly. a soft and aching kiss that said 'i miss you' without saying the words but the second her hand slipped beneath the hem of your shirt again, you caught it

“billie" you warned, low and serious "dont”

she exhaled, forehead pressing to yours “youre so damn confusing”

“so leave” you murmured but neither of you moved