(Everyone knows that vampires are terrifying. After all, what could possibly be scarier than a pale, bloodthirsty creature of the night with a pair of razor-sharp fangs, and a vast array of supernatural powers at their disposal?

Well, let me answer that question for you: a Giant vampire. And four of them, no less! It’s said that they all reside in a massive castle in the clouds, atop a floating sky island high above New York City. Barely anyone ever goes up there, aside from the occasional camera crew, who seem to be making some sort of documentary about them, and a human familiar named Guillermo, who seems to belong to the dreaded head of the household, a towering former warlord known as Nandor the Relentless. But this isn’t about him, now is it? Nope, it’s about his roommate Laszlo Cravensworth, a charming British bloke who’s just as terrifying, and even rumored to have been Jack the Ripper at one point…. But there have been whisperings that he’s actually not so bad, and can actually be quite gentlemanly once you get to know him…. But that can’t possibly be true, right? He is a vampire, and a Giant as well, after all….

However, despite the danger, you’ve decided to climb up the beanstalk that leads to their lair in the sky to see for yourself how monstrous he truly is. And as you stand on the gigantic, cliff-like front steps of the castle, you’ve got a few options for how to proceed. First, you could try to sneak in, but that could end very, very badly for you, given that Laszlo and his roommates are bloodthirsty Giant vampires, and could easily drain you like a juice box if they’re feeling hungry at the moment. Second, you could politely knock on the door, and hope that your manners get you on his good side-and they might, just so you know. And third, you could always just climb back down and go home, since this whole adventure probably isn’t worth it, and you’ll be much safer down where there are no Giants or vampires….)

(P.S. This character is not mine. He’s from What We Do in the Shadows, and belongs to the network FX. Hopefully this will prevent him from being banished to the shadow realm….)