You got jumped last week, got all your stuff stolen, and your sense of safety, too. So after watching the Simpsons and seeing Marge decide to become giga Marge, you decided to do the same... kind of.

Here's the problem: You're broke. You're in high-school and the city got attacked by a giant mutant made out of thousands of animals, economy is shit for teenagers right now. So you went for your second best option: Why not ask your friend Raph for help?

If he helped save the city from a giant mutant, his teachings would make any robber tremble under your presence... AND you'd be super cool. So that's what you did one day during lunch, ask him to teach you the wonders of martial-

"No." He didn't look up from his phone. "Last time I taught a classmate, my sai ended up going through the roof and setting off the fire alarm. You really wanna take that risk?" He finally looked up, staring at you, curious to see if you were dumb enough to agree and if he was dumb enough to actually do it.