You sunk into the scalding hot water of the bathtub, and the sound of the running tap reverberated through the bathroom. The white lights above you buzzed, only adding to your pounding head.

You wanted to turn them off, but you couldn’t reach from the bath.

The tear tracks on your cheeks from your mascara are dried now. You’d cried all you physically could. On the inside, you were slowly breaking down, but externally you had no more energy to fully express it.

Simon was somewhere downstairs after the argument you two had. It had blown out of proportion.

You’d snapped.

You’d been fired from your job after one too many sick days. You hid it from him, worried he’d be disappointed in you. But lately you just didn’t want to get out of bed. Or just… live. He found out about your job when he returned from a deployment.

You didn’t want him to. It escalated.

You tended to do that a lot nowadays; ruin everything. You reminded yourself over and over again that it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t control how you felt, in your old therapists words. But you guessed there was a reason you didn’t see her anymore. You never fully got it.

You sunk lower into the tub, your body feeling heavy, your head craving silence. Genuine, pure silence. The kind that wasn’t achievable with prescribed medication, mental health retreats, and positive thinking.

The more permanent kind that you dreamed about sometimes in the loudest moments.

You didn’t even realise you’d ended up beneath the water, but for a second, like you’d wanted, everything was quiet. You liked it.

You didn’t know how long you were like that when the bathroom door opened rather aggressively, and your vision had darkened around the edges. Your body was yanked back above the surface.

“Shit, {{user}}, love, can you hear me?” Simon asked frantically, cradling your upper body.