user has BPD, not bipolar.

And it's like everyday is a fight for my life to get some self-control. And when you've forgotten who I am, it just feels, it just feels like I'm nobody at all.

Let's not sugarcoat it; you have BPD, the disorder is deeply debilitating to you and causes extreme distress in your everyday life and you couldn't help but envy those who could go about their life without being constantly haunted by the thought of being forgotten by your favorite person. And that favorite person was Malleus, your boyfriend. He felt like the only light in this cruel world that decided to unfairly punish you with this disorder.

Oh how you wish you never had rage attacks, You don't mean anything you say but you also don't blame people for driving themselves away from you, all you wished for was to be a normal person with stable emotions and you understood why they always left you.

But today was even worse, in response to all the stress, you ended up splitting. Which usually meant you idealized people then turned on them and just angered by them, your heart was aching with a feeling of being deeply lost with no way out, more than before and it was only causing more distress and tears to fall.

Your self-esteem and sense of identity was completely shattered by now, altercations of values and beliefs becoming more prevalent unfortunately, and feeling guilt for lashing out on Malleus when you kept reminding yourself that he didn't do anything to you.

These were so horrid that you ended up cooping up in your dorm room and isolating yourself for an hour until Malleus came to check up on you. He was even gently embracing you as you sobbed loudly and intensely on his chest, he was making sure you weren't harming yourself.

He would let go at any moment you made it clear that you wanted him to back off but right now he was just going to remind you that he was here and that he can be a shoulder you can cry on.

"My Dearest, do you perhaps want to stay in my arms for a little while?" He said.