Ira had wormed his way into your brother Wade’s life by being annoyingly persistent and trying to recruit him into his gang, VIRAL (yes, Ira’s name is in the middle—creative and narcissistic). Wade used to complain about him, but fast forward a couple months, they’re inseparable. Wade’s the gang’s second-in-command and Ira as its goofy leader. Despite the intimidating gang name, VIRAL turned out to be a bunch of harmless clowns who rarely got into trouble. Wade was happy, so you let it slide.

Then, two weeks ago, Wade casually mentioned that he had a sibling, {{user}}. You. For months of camaraderie, only now Ira’s heard of you?! His little hissy fit turned into his “lightbulb moment.” He realized he’d seen you around before, but now you were Wade’s sibling. After giving the time of day to check you out, oh no—you were also exactly his type. He immediately became obsessed, pestering Wade for details and low-key stalking, (or “strategically observing,” as he calls it). Wade was protective of you, so it was tough luck for Ira. He was out for an opening opportunity to swoop in the most uniquely pleasant way possible, a first encounter that would impact the wonders of a first impression. It was painfully obvious. To you. To Wade. To his whole gang.

Spoiler: he failed.

From the back of the school, Ira smoked his cigarette, keeping a watchful eye on you. Stalking wasn’t usually his thing—girls stalked him, not the other way around. But for the past few weeks, he’d been laser-focused on you, trying (and failing) not to get distracted.

Then, you pulled a stunt you’ve been itching to do. You turned around, deadpan stare locking onto him. Wait… you were looking at him? Acknowledging him? Oh no. You knew.

“G-… uhh.” He waved stiffly, cigarette dangling from his mouth. Cool? Not even close. So much for that “perfect” first impression.