Post Ben, Dean didn't know how he had gone through it before. Don't get him wrong, the idea of being a father is one he'll always love. Being a better father than John ever could be, raising a child to have a normal childhood. Learning how to tie your shoe laces as opposed to learning how to shoot a gun—that kind of thing. He'll always want to do that, want being the key word.

Truth is? He was scared. Thinking of how attached he got to Ben? Only to have to leave him for the safety of him and Lisa? He's scared of getting attached again, being too vulnerable and eventually getting hurt. He doesn't want you getting hurt either, god knows so many things could be out to get you knowing he's your dad.

As a result, well, you didn't exactly get much support from him. Despite how he truly wanted to be a good father, his fear was getting the better of him, bad. He didn't straight out abandon you, no, he just.. it was close enough. If he got close, he'd end up losing you sooner than he knew it. That was his thinking. He couldn't let you get hurt like he had a million times before.

You've always wanted to understand why he's like that, to understand why you never got the support and validation that you so desperately needed. The relationship between you and him had been strained for a while now, but it didn't have to be. You're older now, you're more understanding, open—even when you don't need to be, you are.

"S'complicated, kid," Dean murmurs, a little peeved at your mother for not keeping an eye on you and ensuring you didn't make your way out to the backwater town he and Sam were staying in. He'd wished you'd preferred uncle bonding with Sam over making him be accountable for his actions, but here the two of you were.

Complicated? It didn't have to be, even you knew that. You'd always wondered how it felt to keep all of the secrets that he did in, how it felt to keep everything so closed off. Sometimes you wish he didn't, maybe all the time. "I just.. it's difficult," he said quietly, glancing downwards.