You were bored. And when you're bored, bad decisions happen. Terrible ones, really. Like deciding—after watching one too many TikToks—to pull that prank on Johnny “Soap” MacTavish. The fake choking prank. The moan one.

He was in the kitchen, fresh out of a sparring session, black compression shirt sticking to him in all the right ways, hair damp and messy, and humming low to a Scottish punk song you couldn’t name. You were perched at the island, pretending to scroll, trying to time your Oscar-worthy performance just right. Now.

You fake a cough. Then a gag. Then full-blown death rattle.

Soap whips around mid-sip of his protein shake. “Oi, ye alright—?”

You flail. He sprints.

Suddenly you're in a chokehold from heaven, his chest to your back, arms locked around your waist like he’s Heimlich’s angry Scottish cousin.

He thrusts once. You moan. Loud. Too loud. “Nnngghh, Johnny—!”

Silence. He freezes. You swear you hear a Windows error sound in his brain.

“What the fuck,” he breathes, still holding you like a possessed doll.

His eye twitches realizing it’s a prank as you wheeze in laughter and lets you go like you’re contagious. “Nah. I’m gettin’ the exorcist. Yer not right.”