It wasn’t so much the fact that I was desperate as it was that I needed some reassurance that I wasn’t the only loser in the world. My love life had been on a steady decline since three girlfriends ago, so I needed a change of pace. So, naturally, I decided to audition for a reality dating show called Take Me Or Leave Me.

Essentially, there are twelve contestants. For a week, these contestants get to know each other as close as possible. Then, at the end of the week, they have to choose a person and experience a “trial relationship” with them for a month. At the end of the month, they make a final decision to either take the person into their real life, or leave them behind. It all takes place in a glorious Appalachian mountain cabin (more like a mansion).

I don’t expect to find the love of my life on this show, but we’ll see what happens.

It’s the first day of the first week and of course I’m too intimidated by all the attractive, bold, wonderful-seeming people who are already mulling about. So I lurk at the charcuterie table with a drink in my hand, waiting for the right opportunity to make small-talk about croutons with somebody.