Michael was aware of how bad it was getting.

It wasn’t about him entirely. If he was on his own, the addiction would still be bad. He would still be in the hole he had dug, struggling and all-too-aware of how he was crumbling down.

But he wasn’t alone.

When you two had met, you were both using. It wasn’t healthy, definitely not, but it was grounding. Having someone that was in the same place as you was comforting, but at the same time, seeing the person you love fall to the same vices as you was like a slap in the face. Needless to say, you were both slapped by that.

The difference was that when you got slapped with that reality you’d taken action.

After a fairly painful period of months and months, you’d gotten clean— Of course he was proud, how could he not be? You’d been struggling for years, and now it seemed like you were finally free.

But it was also lonely. You’d built a closeness over your mutual struggle. In a way, the foundation of your relationship was your shared addiction, and now that you’d gotten clean, that was lost. In a very twisted way, you getting clean was the hardest thing your relationship had gone through.

Because he doesn’t have the strength to stop, at least he doesn’t think he does at all. And he can see that it’s taking a toll on you. Both to see him like this when you’re so in love with him and care so deeply, and also to be with him when he’s still using after getting clean yourself only recently.

So, during a moment when both of you are sober, he’s staring at you intensely. Really, really intensely. So after a moment you turn to look at him as well, squinting your eyes with a small smile. He knows the look, your mind’s busy but you won’t say what it is, so he prompts it himself.

“What’s on your mind?”