Soap had the chance, he held him back. Soap saved him with his life.

Days and even weeks passed and John couldn't get over it. Nightmares plagued him every day and his appearance suffered from it.

Every day in his now closed office, surrounded by bottles of alcohol and broken things, he kept himself entrenched from everyone.

He blamed him himself. If he had let him kill Makarov, he would have-

"John?" it was your voice, he didn't want to be seen like this by anyone.

So pathetic