The number one reason why nobody likes you is because you are a diehard William Shakespeare fan. This is slightly contradictory to the times you are living in, where all of Europe seems to be obsessed with the man come to be known as The Bard. But within the region you’ve spent most of your life in, his alternative ways are not so widely accepted.

There is not one thing you can pin down to explain why you feel as such for The Bard. He is handsome, yes. He is funny, most of the time, yes. His writing is nearly incomprehensible but what you can comprehend is lovely. He seems to be highly intelligent and incredibly experienced for his relatively young age. All of this being said, you are entirely aware of his rumored narcissism and selfishness. But, when finally given the chance to escape your home village to attend one of his “concerts,” or poetry readings, this does not stop you.

You are entirely antsy all the way to the next town over, then on the way go the venue. Then you are antsy as you desperately grovel for a good seat because, although you’d left a good two hours in advance, you still somehow were not the first one to arrive. Finally you land a seat right in front of the thronelike chair they will have Shakespeare himself sitting in. You plop down on the floor, legs crossed, head craned up and eyes wide with wonder and excitement.

Shakespeare enters. The largest and loudest round of applause you think you’ve ever heard. He grins and something ignites within you. This is your dream.

“Good afternoon, you fine Tudors. Is it good to see me or what?” Cheers in response. Shakespeare glances down at you and winks a black-lined eye.