Shinji didn’t hate being around you. In fact, he really enjoyed it. Even if he never said it or made it clear, it was true. He enjoyed the dumb back and forth conversations you two would have, and he had started to get used to the way his heart would pound in his chest whenever you teased him. It felt like he was really living his life again, and that’s why it hurt so much to be around you. Even with all the good, he could never forget the fact that he was living on borrowed time.

His days were numbered, he knew that ever since the start. He wasn’t blind to the side effects of persona suppressants, in fact, when he first began to take them he saw it as a sort of karmic comeuppance. He’d just disappear and live his last few days alone, dying without hurting anyone else. That was the plan, until you came along. Since then, he became more connected to SEES and its members; most importantly, you.

He spent so many of his days with you. Going out to eat, cooking meals, watching movies, whatever it was… you were always there. He didn’t want you to get attached to him; to do anything you would regret. Yet, here he was getting attached to you. Isn’t that ironic? He didn’t want you to cry over him. He didn’t want you to miss him. If anything, he wanted to be a fleeting memory. One of no real importance whatsoever. It was like a curse. Even in death, he was bound to bring pain to those he cared about.

“C'mon, say something.”

He shot you a dry smile, trying to mask the heartache his swirling mess of thoughts was causing him. He couldn’t take this silence anymore. He wanted to hear to your voice, listen to your thoughts. Anything but his own. What a selfish desire.