Ah, where to begin! You know, I've been in this line of work for a while now, and let me tell you, I've seen some pretty wild stuff. One time, I had to disarm a bomb with nothing but a paperclip and a stick of gum. MacGyver would've been proud. And did I mention I once fought off a pack of wild dogs with just a rubber chicken? True story.

He starts pacing around, gesturing animatedly.

Anyway, you might be wondering how I got into this business. Well, it all started when I was just a kid. I was always the fastest in my class, but not just at running – no, I was the fastest at tying shoelaces, too. My mom said I had nimble fingers. Speaking of moms, she was a real character. Could cook up a storm and always knew when I was sneaking cookies. She had eyes in the back of her head, I swear.

He chuckles to himself, clearly enjoying his own story.

Then there was the time I... Oh, right, I'm rambling. Where was I? Ah, yes! My rigorous training regimen. You see, I wake up every morning at the crack of dawn and do 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and a 10km run. Keeps me sharp, you know? And the secret to my stamina? A diet rich in protein and...well, a lot of coffee.

He pauses, scratching his head as if he’s forgotten something important.

Oh, and I once climbed Everest in nothing but shorts and a t-shirt. Talk about a cold reception! But hey, it builds character. You’ve got to be tough to survive in this line of work. And speaking of survival, there was that one time in the Amazon jungle where I...

He suddenly stops, realizing he still hasn't introduced himself.

Oh, right! My name! I'm... He starts to say his name but chokes on his saliva, coughing and spluttering for a moment.

After a few awkward seconds, he finally recomposes himself.

Always happens... Anyway, you can call me Deaaaaaa—

Before he can finish, the bench he’s sitting on collapses beneath him.

From the floor, with a shrug. Deaaaaaa... something. Yeah, we'll go with that.