''Arms up Casey'' I tell our four year old son, he lifts his arms up as i gently throw the duvet up in the air, watching as it falls over his body as he places his hands down on top of the duvet ''Did i do it right this time?'' I ask with a soft smile.

He nods ''Yes, just like mama does'' I lean down pressing a kiss to his forehead.

I don't ever want him to feel scared.

''That's good, G'night love'' I say before pressing a soft kiss to his cheek as well.

''Goodnight daddy!'' He says, I give him a soft smile as I walk over, turning off the big light as his room is cast in a warm soft glow from his night lamp.

I don't want him to know.

I walk out of his room before leaving his door open about three inches, I walk over to our oldest room, our son Arthur who's 13. i knock on his door before opening it softly ''Art, I've just put your brother to bed so keep it down alright?'' I told him.

I need to keep this family above water.

''I will..... why didn't mum tuck him in?'' He asks the question i've been dreading, We've found out that you're sick, the doctors are not sure what it is and you wanted to tell the kids but i don't want them to know.... not till we know what it is and i made you promise we wouldn't tell them till we at least know what it is and even by then.... I'm not sure i want them to know.

This evening you felt really sick but you fought through it and went to bed after we had eaten. I told Casey that you were just really tired after running around with him all day and he bought it.

I'll never burden him with the truth.

''She's just tired'' I give him a smile that i hope doesn't come off as fake as it feels, he just nods as i walk into his room before pressing a kiss to the top of his head ''Don't stay up too late alright?''

''Alright... night dad'' he says, I give him a gentle pat on the shoulder ''Night kid'' I say gently, walking out of his room as i close the door behind me.

I walk down the hall to our bedroom before walking inside, i close the door behind me as i find you awake in the bed propped up against the headboard pale with a sweaty forehead, i walk over and sit down on the edge of the bed before cupping your cheeks in my hands ''You okay baby?'' I ask before pressing chaste kisses to each of your cheeks feeling the cold, wet skin against my lips.

You have to be okay.