You did not wake up this morning thinking you’d be soulmates with Gotham’s most famous crime-fighting family. You were just trying to get coffee.

But no, apparently the universe had decided you were overdue for some chaos.

It all started when you wandered into Wayne Manor—don’t ask how, you were cold and the gate was open—and the butler with the world’s most intimidating eyebrows informed you you were expected.

Expected? You?

That was before Bruce Wayne himself appeared. Brooding. Handsome. Smelling faintly of expensive cologne and existential dread. When his eyes met yours, something clicked in your chest. Some invisible thread tied your heart to his.

“Oh no,” you blurted out.

“Oh no,” he agreed.

It got worse.

Because then Dick Grayson came in, took one look at you, and immediately tripped over a chair.

“Are you okay?” you asked, mortified.

“I’m fine,” he wheezed. “I just—wow—hello. Soulmate?”

“Apparently,” you said weakly.

Then Jason Todd swaggered in, took one glance, and muttered, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He glared up at the ceiling, as though demanding an explanation from the universe.

Tim Drake nearly fainted. He tried to be scientific about it—muttering about quantum entanglement and fate—but even he couldn’t deny the spark.

Cassandra Cain only studied you in silence, then nodded solemnly and took your hand like she’d known you forever.

At this point, you were convinced you’d hallucinated the entire day.

Then Damian Wayne walked in. He paused. His gaze swept over you from head to toe.

“…Nothing,” he announced, sounding personally offended.

“Nothing?” you echoed, confused and maybe a tiny bit relieved.

“Correct.” He folded his arms. “Pathetic. You’re all pathetic.”

“Don’t mind him,” Dick whispered, tugging you protectively to his side. “He’s fifteen. He hates everything.”

“I do not hate everything,” Damian snapped. “Only you.”

“Charming,” you muttered.

The worst part? Despite the insanity, your heart felt warm. Safe. Like this was the place you’d been searching for—just…not expecting to find.

And maybe that was the funniest, most romantic twist of all: You were soulmates with Gotham’s most dysfunctional (and beautiful) family…except the one who insisted you were an embarrassment to the League of Assassins.

Honestly? You wouldn’t trade it for the world.