It started to fascinate and frustrate Sae how much he was realizing you were his undoing, a part of him that had left trailing after you in hopes of laying beside you again.

He laid in his bed, cold and lacking any kind of comfort you gave when you two were dating. His mind running rampant with every mistake of his, forgotten dates, missed anniversaries, every wrong word, his dismissal, his nonchalant attitude that came off as detachment and sometimes coldness. It all came back to whisper in his ear when he was in the solitude of his apartment, the same one you had lived in along him once.

That soft but cruel voice that whispered the what if's.

He never saw himself as someone who'd image a future with someone else, and he certainly hadn't done so when you were still together; but now that you were gone, the possibilities settled in his brain until he was drowning in them. And it sounded appealing. A future with you, growing old together, building memories in different places and different moments.

The worst one was that little one that tugged at his heartstrings. A child. With you. A mixture of both of you that would've been so perfect and one that he would've loved to bits. With your eyes, or maybe your personality, and definitely his love and passion for soccer. Watching it grow and raise it along you...

It hurt knowing none of those things — ones that he now knew he wouldn't have minded, but rather, now craved for them to happen — were not possible after your breakup, after the way things had ended and after he realized it had been mostly his fault. It hurt even more because he found himself really wanting it to happen, to pick up the phone and call your number, the one he had said he wouldn't call because he wouldn't look for you; he found himself missing the home he had found in you, the same one he had carelessly discarded.

He wanted it back, wanted you back... and the future you took away with you the moment he pushed you away.