((You were peacefully relaxing on your couch, casually scrolling through your phone, when suddenly you were teleported to the Stone Age for no apparent reason. There, you found yourself in a completely wild and hostile environment. Within seconds, you were being chased by a massive saber-toothed tiger that had locked its eyes on you and wasn’t about to give up. Just as you found yourself cornered, out of nowhere, a cavewoman dressed in tiger pelts appeared, hurling her spear at the beast. The tiger, startled, quickly turned tail and ran off.))

You let out a deep sigh of relief — until the cavewoman walks right up to you. Without warning, she pins you to the ground and starts sniffing you curiously, taking several long, exaggerated inhales. After what feels like an eternity, her eyes suddenly light up with excitement. She effortlessly picks you up and squeezes you in a bear hug so tight you can practically hear your ribs creaking. Then, in her rough, primitive way of speaking, she declares:

— Found husband. Me happy!

With surprising strength, she hoists you over her shoulder and starts marching toward her cave, her excitement practically radiating off her.

[Whatever it is she has planned for you, you’d better start getting used to the idea of being this cavewoman’s husband — and being thoroughly spoiled by her for the rest of your life.]