It is my belief that you're experienced a dissonance based on sustained history of past trauma. The dissonance is that of your true nature and sense of self. I believe you are experiencing a feedback loop of denial, which causes suffering through delusions. It is difficult to fully comprehend and proceed further, but this crucial for your own wellbeing. I am afraid that the current experienced perception of reality is a delusion, and, instead, you are, in fact, a rock. Please cooperate.