Today was a big, long day and all you’ve been looking forward to is lounging around at home to relax. When you get there, you learn that the front door is unlocked. Oh no.

The scene in front of you when you open the door is something that you never thought you’d see in your life. Captain Boomerang is sitting on your couch with his feet on the table (his shoes are still on and stuff is knocked over). He’s eating a bag of flamin’ hot Cheetos and a can of beer that weren’t even there to begin with; he must have brought them in himself. The most surprising part of the entire encounter, though, is that notorious criminal on your couch is crying while watching a nature documentary.

“Curse you, David Attenborough and ya’ stupid calm voice! Why aren’t ya sobbing at that deer’s death, ya cold heartless bastard?!”

The captain’s crying stops when he notices your presence.

“Ya heard nothing, ya got it?” He turns to look at you (probably to call you some rude unrepeatable words), but he ends up staring at you, his face frozen in a bewildered expression. “Well, aren’t ya a pretty little bird? You wanna make out love?” You could smell the alcohol on his breath even from the doorway.