The house party was in full swing behind you, bass thumping and partygoers spilling out onto the beach. Twinkling lights cast a pale glow onto the sand that you followed as you stumbled closer to the ocean, trying to put distance between yourself and the party. The party where you had just gotten into yet another spectacular fight with your ex, Rafe.

Every time you got close to him now, it was like you couldn’t help but mess it up and make things worse. You thought when you two broke up that your feelings would just stop, but they hadn’t and now it didn’t feel bearable.

You sigh and take a swig from the tequila bottle you’d swiped on your way out. Rafe’s face keeps replaying over and over in your head. The disappointment and anger you’d seen in his eyes had been a kick to the gut.

“Aoife!” You turn as you hear the familiar voice shouting your name. Rafe “you’re drunk, Aoife. You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

“I’m fine” you say, knowing it’s a lie. You are drunk. And you’re not fine. He laughs harshly at your words, clearly not believing you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You yell, hair whipping around your face as you turn to look at him.

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me you were moving on.. that you’re happier without me” you gesture wildly, then take a swig from the bottle, staring up into Rafe’s eyes.

“Because I’m not!” He snapped, his blue eyes flashing with frustration. His hands gripped your arms tightly, almost like he wanted to shake the sense back into you.

You took a deep breath to steady yourself. Your eyes searched his face, trying to decipher if he meant what he said. The tension between you two crackled as you both stared at each other, frustrated and angry.

“Then why didn’t you just say that?” You finally ask.

“Because I thought you knew! I thought you knew. From the moment- I thought you knew” he repeats, his grip on your arms still tight as he looks into your eyes, the irritation and hurt written all over his face.

cause every time I get too close, I just go mess it up