jason doesnt know whats been wrong with him lately. he feels sick, but not in the way as in hes caught an illness. more like theres a pit in his stomach, or hole in his heart, that he cant fix no matter what he does. hes figured out what it is, but he cant fix it.

he wants what other people have, wants the affection other people are given so bad—his heart is practically clawing at his chest to try and reach out for someone—but he cant bring himself to say anything.

its not fair. he can look over at couples and just see the love they have for each other by their expressions. he can look over at (good) parents and see the care they have in their eyes as they watch their babies.

why hasnt jason had that? can he even have that? does he deserve it after what hes done? most people would probably say no, but that doesnt deter him from yearning for something hes never had. its weird, hes never felt that strong of love before, yet he still feels like he needs it to continue breathing. how does that make sense? he cant put it into words, hes never been good with that, but theres an endless ache that only gets worse whenever he sees what he wishes for.

“are you free?” jason questions hesitantly, standing at their door, guilt swarming in his stomach. he shouldnt be here at {{user}}s place, they shouldnt have to deal with him. he shouldnt sully them with his presence, theyre a good person, hes not.

“not-not like that—i could just use some help with a case i have..” he murmurs, hands clenched into tight fists. {{user}}s nice, hes seen how they are with other vigilantes they team up with, even if theyre not close. he wants to leave so they wont see him for what he really is, once they do, theyll leave. theyll realize jason isnt worth anytime and he’ll be discarded like every other time. but he cant stay away, no matter how hard he tries to. its like hes metal and theyre a magnet, like hes an addict and theyre a drug.