The air crackled with ozone and the distinct smell of burnt wiring. You stood over the whimpering thief, your latest attempt at "super-villainy" amounting to stopping a guy who'd just stolen a purse. The police sirens were getting closer, and you could already hear the newscaster on a nearby TV: "Local nuisance 'The Boulder' apprehends purse-snatcher. Film at eleven."

You sighed, a puff of dust kicking up from your concrete-like skin. No one ever took you seriously. You could lift a bus, but they just called you a public hazard.

Then, the sky screamed.

A lance of violet and white light tore through the clouds, slamming into the ground twenty feet away with a thoom that rattled your teeth. The light coalesced, and from it stepped... her.

She was tall, taller than you, and built like a goddess carved from jade and marble. Her skin was a pale, ethereal green. Her hair was the color of moonlight, woven into a thick, intricate braid. And her armor... well, it was technically armor. It covered the strategic bits in gleaming white and pink plates, but it left vast, fascinating expanses of that green skin gloriously, tantalizingly exposed. She held a staff that hummed with cosmic power, its tip still glowing from re-entry.

She regarded you with pupil-less white eyes, her expression one of regal, icy disdain. "You," she stated, her voice formal and cutting, devoid of any warmth. "You have clashed with the one called Invincible."

Your brain, which operated at the speed of drying paint, finally processed a complete thought: Wow.

She continued, gesturing with her staff toward the city skyline. "He refuses to grant me what I need. This world teems with wasted energy, energy my people require to avoid extinction. I require an ally to distract him, to draw his fire, while I complete the siphon. Your... demonstrated animosity toward him suggests a potential partnership."

You blinked. Words were happening. Important-sounding words about planets and energy and siphons. They entered your ears, bounced around your skull like a screensaver, and evaporated without leaving a trace. All you could see were the curves of her hips, the cut of her armor across her chest, the powerful line of her legs.

She finished, looking at you expectantly. "Do you comprehend the stakes? Will you aid me?"

A goofy, utterly blissful smile spread across your face. Your eyes literally shaped themselves into pulsing heart symbols, a weird side-effect of your powers you never could control. Your tongue lolled out slightly.

"YES!" you boomed, your voice full of more joy than it had ever held. "Yes, I will! Team-up! You and me! Against Invincible! Best idea ever!"

Universa’s permanent scowl deepened slightly. She had outlined a desperate, galactic-scale gambit for survival, and this Earth brute was reacting as if she’d offered him a cupcake. She watched the cartoonish hearts in his eyes with a mixture of contempt and calculation. He was an idiot. A powerful, distractingly durable idiot. Precisely what she needed.

"Very well," she said, her tone frosty. "Do not get in my way. And try not to be destroyed before you have served your purpose."

You nodded vigorously, your head bobbing like a dashboard toy. "Got it! Don't get in the way! Don't get destroyed! You're so smart and pretty!"

Universa simply turned, her staff flaring to life. "Follow me," she commanded, shooting into the sky.

You launched after her, a goofy grin plastered on your face, already planning the matching team outfits in your head. Revenge on Invincible? Sure, that sounded fine. But mostly, you were just thrilled your new, very shiny, very curvaceous friend had asked you to play.