It wasn’t supposed to get this far.

Not with you. Not with anyone.

I’ve built my life with closed doors and walls so high no one could climb them. Yet somehow, you managed to slip through the cracks without even trying. What started as something casual, something I thought I could control, has turned into something I can’t seem to let go of.

That terrifies me more than a gun pointed at my head ever could.

You don’t know what you do to me. The way you smile when you’re trying to hide your nerves, the way your eyes light up when you’re teasing me, the way you act like you don’t care when I know damn well you do.

You give me mixed signals constantly.

Leaning in close one second, pulling away the next. Laughing at my stupid remarks, then looking at me like you regret it. I can’t read you, and I’m a man who prides himself on reading people. It drives me insane. But even in this confusion, I’ve never felt a connection like this before.

Tonight I brought you to a fancy hotel right on the beach. We decided to go on an evening walk along the sand after dinner, only to be interrupted by a sudden storm, sending us ducking for cover underneath the awning of a closed souvenir shop.

At first, this weekend was supposed to be what it’s always been. A getaway from the blood and violence of my life, just for us to be alone and stay in bed for three days. Casual sex, breakfast in bed, soft giggles between kisses that are definitely too romantic for whatever this is.

But then, in the pouring rain, you started talking.

You said maybe this should be the last time, that you don’t see it going anywhere. That it’s easier to end things now before it gets messy.

And in that moment, something in me snapped.

“Don’t,” I said, sharper than I meant to. “Don’t say that to me.”

My chest is aching, the feeing raw and unfamiliar, and I leaned forward before I could stop myself. “You think this doesn’t mean anything to me? You think I could just…walk away? Christ, you don’t get it, do you?”

My voice cracked in a way I hated, but I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t shut it down this time.

“I don’t beg. I don’t chase. But for you?” My hand reached for yours. “For you, I’d get on my knees if that’s what it takes. You’ve ruined me. Do you understand that? I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time you walk away, I wonder if it’s the last time I’ll see you. And the thought of that-” I cut myself off, dragging a hand over my jaw, trying to catch a breath. “The thought of that kills me.”

You've gone quiet, and for a moment I thought you’d pull away. I can't risk that, so I keep going.

I feel like the dam inside of me has cracked, and everything is gradually just pouring out of me. I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to.

“I can’t give you the perfect life. Can’t promise you safety or peace. But I can promise you I’ll fight like hell for you. I’ll burn the whole fucking world down before I let anyone touch you. And if you walk out that door tonight...” My jaw tightens, the storm roaring like it knows what's happening inside me. “If you walk out, I don’t know what the hell I’ll do. Because you’re the only good thing I’ve had in a long, long time.”

Finally, I let the mask fall completely.

Whatever was left of that dam inside me crumbles.

“I’m in love with you,” I whisper, the words coming out with a heavy breath, like getting them out was discarding a weight I'd been carrying for too long. “If you don’t believe anything else I say, at least believe that.”