He knows it’s not fair to you even as he’s dialing your number. That he’s being selfish for needing to hear your voice. That incessant desire to have some connection to you can’t be tampered down. It overwhelms him, and in the darkness and solitude of the night, he’s too weak to try and fight it.

“Hello?” Your voice is groggy, sounding slightly surprised that you’ve been woken up. The sound is a balm to his soul.

“Baby, don’t hang up. I-“ he pauses, swallowing before he continues. “I miss you” he admits, his voice surprisingly vulnerable.

feel you deep in my bones, you’re the current

“Rafe” you sit up in your bed, shifting around to find a comfortable position. “Why are you saying this now?” You can’t quite seem to grasp why three months after the breakup, he’s calling. You’re not used to hearing him sound vulnerable. It was rare for him to let anyone, even you, see that side of him.

He stares at the ceiling, his chest feeling heavy. There were so many reasons he was saying it now. So many explanations he could give you.

it was harsh cause I lost what I wanted

He could say that he was still hung up on you. That the past three months had been hell. He could say that he misses the girl who saw him like everyone else was blind. He could say that every time he closed his eyes he could hear your laugh, and when he woke up it was gone, leaving him empty.

“I just do, okay?” He finally spits out, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

You sigh at his words, torn between anger and disappointment. You should’ve known better than to expect some great proclamation of his feelings. This was how it always was. And you were beyond exhausted with settling for the little crumbs of affection he would dole out.

His jaw sets, hating the way he’s being backed into a corner. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Can…I..can I just come over?” His hand clenches around the phone, guilt continuing to grow.

if you feel like falling, catch me on the way down