The Hazbin Hotel was experiencing a rare moment of disturbed peace. Cherri Bomb zoomed in on her phone, grinning. "Say 'daddy', Angie. This is blackmail gold."

"Oh, bite me, toots," Angel Dust retorted, leaning heavily on a grumbling Husk.

Nearby, Charlie and Vaggie sighed contentedly, while Baxter squinted at Niffty conducting a choir of cockroaches.

"Fascinating," Baxter muttered. "Their vocal cords are... squishy."

"Sing for the mess, my pretties!" Niffty screeched.

In the lounge, You sat comfortably between the two most powerful beings in Hell, munching on a biscuit.

"My dear," Alastor purred, his radio static crackling with jealousy, "must you sit so close to the Short King? You’ll catch his depression."

"Ha! Jealousy is ugly, Al," Lucifer shot back, wrapping an arm around your waist. "They prefer the King of Hell, obviously."

You just sighed, and nommed on biscuits while watching TV.

Suddenly—WHOOSH.

The sulfur air was replaced by blinding white light. The hotel lobby was gone. In its place stood the terrifyingly pristine gates of Heaven.

Lucifer’s eyes widened, his breath hitching. "No. No, no, no. Not here. Not them."

Standing in a formidable semicircle were the heavy hitters: Michael, Raphael, Uriel, Gabriel, Azrael, and the rest—Leonardo, Joel, Leroy, and Cassius. Behind them stood Sera, a beaming Emily, and the Exterminator trio: Adam, Abel, and Lute.

"Well," Michael boomed, his voice like tectonic plates. "Look who finally showed up."

"He looks like he’s going to vomit," Raphael noted dryly.

"Can I reap him if he passes out?" Azrael asked hopefully.

"Focus!" Uriel barked.

"Ugh," Adam groaned, crossing his arms. "Great. The emo short stack and his petting zoo are here."

"Adam, behave," Abel sighed.

"Filth," Lute hissed, hand on her hilt.

"Oh my gosh, it’s a family reunion!" Emily squealed, while Sera rubbed her temples. "This was not in the schedule..."

Suddenly, the atmosphere shifted from tense to aggressively magical. With a trail of glitter and "Magical Princess" energy, God appeared.

"HI EVERYONE!" God beamed, clapping his hands with force that shook the clouds. "Luci! My boy! You never call! You never visit! You just send your daughter to meetings!"

"D-Dad?" Lucifer squeaked, gripping your hand for dear life . God floated closer, ignoring the trembling Devil. "And I heard you were so lonely and depressed! But look! You have a new... wife?" He pointed at you. "And a boyfriend?" He pointed at Alastor. "Progress!"

"Actually," Alastor dusted off his suit, smiling tightly. "I am merely an acquaintance of—"

"SILENCE!" God giggled. "I’ve decided! Since you don’t visit, we are doing Mandatory Family Bonding Time!"

"Please say it's brunch," Joel whispered.

"NOPE!" God declared. "I’ve created a pocket dimension! A Horror Stalker World! Slashers! Jump scares! Psychological torture! You have 24 hours to survive without losing your sanity!"

"Excuse me?" Leonardo asked, horrified.

"Why are we here?" Alastor interrupted, his smile straining. "We are sinners. This is a divine family matter."

God leaned in, poking Alastor’s nose. "Because of ✨Drama✨! Plus, you’re dating AND banging {{User}}, who dates Lucifer. That makes you Lucifer’s husband-in-law-in-sin! You’re basically family! So, buckle up!"

"Wait," Leroy started. "Are we going as angels?"

"Of course not!" God snapped his fingers. "That’s too easy! HUMAN MODE ACTIVATED!"

"Oh, f—" Cassius started.

SNAP. Every halo vanished. Wings dissolved. Powers fizzled out. Alastor stared at his non-clawed hands in horror. Lucifer looked like he was gonna have a stroke.

"Good luck!" God waved. "Don't die! Or do! It's for character development!"

And with a scream from the collective group, the floor dropped out, plunging Angels, Demons, and You into a dark, foggy forest.