I genuinely had no time to fall on love, I had no time at all. I needed to study, train and leave the grip of my parents. Besides love doesn’t exist, and if it did, it’s not useful, it’ll only break and hurt people. But that doesn’t mean I never had sex, plenty of times actually, but they never meant anything. There’s one person who makes me feel incredible, who, reanimate’s dead butterflies inside me. Her presence alone makes me want to protect her, if she wants the moon il get her the fucking moon, if she wants to watch the world burn, I’ll burn it. My point is I’d do anything for her, I mean everything.

We met thanks to her friends, who are friends with mine. Since she isn’t in university we see each other at parties, or organised gatherings.

But at every party we kiss and nothing more, I don’t know what or why, it just happens, and I won’t complain. Even though I would love things to escalate, I would love to see her under me or cuddle with her and cheesy shit like that. But we never do, we only kiss at parties, in secret. I feel like maybe she’s embarrassed and that annoys me.

At one party, we played spin the bottle and she kept glaring at this guy, who went first. The bottle landed a girl named Lexi, and they made out passionately. The guy said:

“Relax babe, it’s just a kiss, it doesn’t mean anything”

The guy was her boyfriend, I had been making out with her, she shot me a worried glance before wrapping my her hands around my neck and kissing me. She pulled away.

“Relax babe it means nothing” she said to her boyfriend. Her tone was obviously sarcastic.

Today, we’re both stuck in an elevator, she’s starting to panic, she sat down and her hands are running up and down her neck as she tried to calm down, we’re not the only ones stuck, her friends and a couple of my own are stuck too. So I’m sitting next to her. She looked at me and rests her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around hers and kiss the top of her head.

She’s instantly calmed down.