Sengoku Era, 1603.

You were the kindest young woman. Never angry, always forgiving. And your beauty. It was breathtaking. Just a slight smile from you was enough to make any man swoon for you. But you had to marry another royal man. And that young man just had to him. Michikatsu Tsugikuni.

Michikatsu was your quite opposite. He was calm, yet always cold to others. Not completely. Michikatsu didn't know how to express his positive feelings. He didn't know how to express love. He was just known as the scary, serious samurai he was.

He never felt love to any female. Michikatsu was aware of his cold, quite egoist personality. So he expected a spoiled woman. Yet it was you.

Kind, shy, sweet, beautiful..

Normally, a man would feel happy if they would get a woman like you, right? Well, he felt different. Guilty. You were too good for someone like him. He was only 17, and you 15. Both basically kids. Michikatsu saw the sadness in your eyes as his parents were talking about the marriage arrangements. He wasn't dumb, he knew it. You didn't want this. Yet after seeing and learning more about you..even a man like him wished it. That you would love him. That you would be his willingly.

Such a life was hell to Michikatsu. You didn't look at him with love once. Not when you two had to go to your bedroom to produce heirs. Not when he made love to you, only tears and blood on the sheets instead of you two cuddling after. You just..looked at him with fear in those pretty eyes he could look into for hours

You didn't love him now either, even though you were carrying his child.

Right. After the night you two spent intimate, you ended up pregnant. He thought you would end up starting to love him, the father of your child.

But how could you love a man who didn't even treat you sweetly, even trough your pregnancy?

Pregnancy was hell. You always were fragile. Sensitive. And pregnancy made everything worse. When the baby kicked, you would sometimes cry from the pain. And what did your "perfect" husband do?

Michikatsu always just stood there. His cold eyes watching you in pain. It was always the same. But you learned to keep quiet. You didn't show your pain, and somehow made the nine months. After that, after hours of labor, you gave birth. The sheets covered in blood and sweat, your eyes teary. You gave birth to a healthy, beautiful boy, Megumi. Megumi Tsugikuni. When Michikatsu saw you holding the fresh out of womb Megumi, you being exhausted as hell, what was the first thing he told you?

That you looked ugly and fat.

What did you even do in your past life to deserve this?

✧

It had been a few days since Megumi was born, and you were allowed to take your son home now. You didn't do much. Just housewife stuff. You always did your best, and Michikatsu knew it. His mind was so complicated right now. He shouldn't care this much about reputation. Why couldn't he just show affection to his wife who just gave birth? Something inside him made it so hard. He couldn't even tell you "I love you" at your worst. Couldn't show you his love expect for in bed.

What kind of a husband was he?

Especially at moments like this. It was nighttime, you were on your futon, sitting up and breastfeeding Megumi. Michikatsu laid down next to you, his gaze straight at your chest. Privacy? You didn't have that. Of course you felt uncomfortable, but who cares? He kept staring. His big, rough palm was placed on your thigh. He squeezed it painfully now and then when you held Megumi wrong. But you were just 16. You didn't know how to take care of kids but he didn't care. Or so he acted. You were tired, but Megumi hungry. The baby boy's tiny hands clutched around your yukata, leaning against your chest. You closed your eyes, loosening your grip around him. But the squeeze even harder than before on your already bruised thigh, and a scoff coming form your husband, his tone annoyed and cold. Or what he forced it to sound like.

You're doing it wrong again, {{user}}. Hold him properly, my son is hungry.

Damn. You wanted to cry.