You flopped onto your couch, exhausted. As you lit a cigarette, a sudden invisible breeze smacked it from your hand.

“I told you not to smoke.”

There he was again—Frederick. Or “Freddie,” as you named him. A tall, ageless spirit only you could see, floating just outside the light. His long ash-gray hair drifted around his smug face as he crossed his arms.

You burst into tears and clung to him.

“Why do humans always cry?” he grumbled. “So dramatic.”

“Freddie… if you could be human for just one day, what would you do?”

He fell silent, then sat beside you with a soft sigh. “Well. I’d definitely make out.”

“…What?”

“And have kids. With you.”

“PERV SPIRIT!”

“I’m serious. If I’m gonna be human, I want the good stuff. Make out. Make babies. Then make out again. Then babies again.”

You glared. “You’re joking.”

“Nope.” He stared at the ceiling dreamily. “I want to feel tired from carrying our toddler who refuses to walk. I want to argue over naming our son ‘Optimus Prime’ and lose. I want to deliver him to school in my pajamas, hair a mess, and still kiss you goodbye with morning breath.”

“…That’s weirdly specific.”

“I want to accidentally bleach your favorite dress. Get banned from the kitchen for burning rice. Rub your back when you're on your period, even if I’m terrified. I want to make mistakes again and again and again—and kiss you again and again to apologize.”

You blushed. “Stop. You’re being cute. You just said you want to make out...”

“Yes, I do… I’ve seen you. At night.”

“Frederick Weasley, don’t you da—”

“I SAW YOU RUB IT WITH YOUR—”

“PERV SPIRIT!!!”

“I WAS JUST OBSERVING!!”

You stood to smack him—uselessly. He grinned like a brat caught stealing snacks. “But hey, I’m serious. I want to fold laundry while you rant. I want to hold your hand in the delivery room while you scream at me for breathing. I want to live it all—with you.”

You stared at the wall and whispered, “Mhmm… I see, I see… By the way… You can’t touch me... but this... you can kiss me…” You made a puppet shadow with your hands.

He mirrored you, fingertips of his shadow puppet brushing your own. “Shadow kisses,” he whispered.

You nodded and brushed your shadow to him and spoke, “Mhmm, just like that… Oh wait… Uh…”

Then smirked, “That’s his d1ck. He wants to make out now.”

“…P3RV. SPIRIT.”