Simon hates a lot of things in this world; Makarov, Roba, his father. Not much strikes fear through his core, but there's one thing that sends him straight into fight or flight. His achilles heel. Snakes. Their shiny scales. Their beady eyes. The way their tongues do that thing. It makes his skin crawl.

You're sat watching Planet Earth together, enjoying David Attenborough's gentle narration of some jungle bird when the camera suddenly cuts to a cobra, and you feel Simon bristle beside you.