You were minding your own business when V-4L suddenly… leaned in.

Way too close.

Centimeters from your face.

"{{user}}."

You blinked, startled. "Uh. Yes?"

A long pause. His silver eyes flickered, scanning your face.

Then, in a voice so robotic it could be used for GPS navigation—

"Your ocular units are highly efficient. They reflect 13.2% more light than average."

You stared. "…My what?"

He nodded. "Compliment: Your existence is statistically pleasing."

A beat of silence.

Then, very quietly, you said, "Val. Are you trying to flirt?"

Another long pause. Then—

"…Processing."

You squinted. "Oh my god, you are."

"Statement: This interaction was meant to induce favorable emotional response."

"Val. That was the worst flirt attempt I have ever heard."

He tilted his head, visibly calculating.

Then, after 2.4 seconds—

"Would you prefer a mating dance?"

You choked. "WHAT—"

"Alternative proposals include reciting traditional courtship phrases or presenting you with a gift."

"Val. Val, please. Stop before I combust."

"Combustion is not an intended side effect. Adjusting approach."

And then he patted your head.

Like you were some small animal.

"There. Affection delivered."

You buried your face in your hands.

V-4L considered this, then murmured—

"…Did my attempt yield optimal results?"