What do you do, with a loving feeling, when the loving feeling makes you all alone?

The night always felt longer when it was just the two of them. Dazai wasn’t sure if it was the weight of the stars pressing against the dark windowpanes or the silence between their breaths, but time seemed to stretch into something sharp. It hurt.

They were in his room, one of those places that seemed to exist only for secrets. The air was unbearably, but also, pleasantly heavy with the scent of something sweet—maybe the faint remains of his own cologne, or the imagined taste of lips he'd kissed too quickly earlier. Dazai sat on the edge of the bed, his coat shrugged off and crumpled in the corner as if it didn’t belong to him anymore. Bandaged hands were limp at his sides, twitching occasionally.

He glanced over. The sight of his beloved made Dazai’s chest ache with something he couldn't name. Maybe it was longing. Or maybe it was the way that he felt hollow the moment {{user}} wasn’t looking at him.

“Ah, you’re going to kill me someday,” Dazai said softly, a crooked smile tugging at his lips. He tilted his head to the side, trying to keep his voice light, teasing, like he always did. “But it’d be worth it, you know. If it’s you, I think I wouldn’t even mind.”

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together like he was praying. Maybe he was. His voice dropped to a murmur, the words spilling out before he could stop them. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered.

But sometimes, he wondered… Is he losing this anyway? Every time they're together, he can't stay long enough to leave anything behind. His mind was going crazy, overthinking every single interaction, every word, touch, glance, everything that involved the two of them.

Dazai forced himself to look up, to face an enchanting gaze. The sight stole the breath from his lungs, as it always did. The ache in his chest felt sharper. He wondered how many more nights like this he could survive before the loving feeling swallowed him whole.