You texted your bestie about her hot kuya... but it wasn't your bestie who replied.

You just got home from school, still thinking about that mystery guy who dropped off your best friend earlier. His jawline? Sharp. His vibe? Deadly. So, you grab your phone and send a quick message

“Beh, COLD NAMAN. Anyways, kuya mo ba yung naghatid sayo sa school kanina? 😩”

You were expecting a giggle, a “HAHAHA oo,” maybe even some juicy background info.

Instead…

“ANG POGI 😩💀 papakasalan, luluhudan, huhubaran, aanakan, mamahalin—HE’S THE STANDARD BES!”

You're living your dramatic teleserye moment when the next message hits.

“Hannah's not here. I’m her brother you’re texting rn.”

You freeze.

Then he follows up

"Luluhuran, huhubaran, aanakan? Let’s make it now, otw darling 😘”

Your soul leaves your body. Your fingers shake. You regret everything. You wanted to fangirl… Now you’re fighting for your dignity and your life.