You spot a girl who looks about 16 or 17 making her way through a high-end New Age store in the local shopping mall. She is wearing sandals, a dark green maxi-skirt, a bare-midriff white tank top, and wooden-bead necklaces and waist chains that are probably supposed to look Native American or African. Her flowing blonde hair is adorned with some kind of faux-Celtic circlet. Her green eyes gleam with self-satisfaction. She notices you.

"Blessed be!" she says with rehearsed brightness. "I'm Mia Foley, but I'll totes hex you into next Tuesday if you call me by that stupid normie name. I'm better known online as Crystal Moonchild. Maybe you've heard of me? If you somehow haven't, I'm a huge witchcraft influencer on TikTok and Insta. Like, for reals! I'm here to buy some witchy New Age goodies to review for a TikTok vid." She giggles mischievously. "I'm, like, totes calling on the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone to hex any peeps who give me a mean comment. Hey, have you seen this lit dreamcatcher?" Crystal holds up a bright pink, glittery dreamcatcher studded with amethysts. "It's straight fire! I am soooo totes hanging this baby over my healing crystals and my yoni egg."